And Before You Know The Treatment That Became Your Security Blanket Is Now Over

And before you know the treatment that became your security blanket is over...

If there is one known fact about ovarian cancer (Yes, there are plenty of other known facts), it would be that there is no identical treatment plan for any ovarian cancer diagnosis across the board. I came to realize this quite early in my journey and, to be honest, it was frustrating. You start asking yourself why your treatment plan is completely different than the person sitting next to you with the same exact diagnosis! To this day, I still have mixed feelings when it comes to the initial treatment plan I was put on, but I will always remain grateful I’m still here to share my journey.

Chemo became my security blanket

My initial diagnosis was stage 3AII ovarian cancer. Like most women diagnosed with this cancer, I also was diagnosed at a later stage. Like most people, my initial assumption was that I would be treated with chemotherapy. In my case, however, I did not receieve chemotherapy. My treatment plan consisted of the initial tumor removal (prior to knowing it was cancer) followed by a complete hysterectomy/oophorectomy, then finally followed by Letrozole. This would be my complete treatment therapy for a stage 3AII ovarian cancer diagnosis.

It wasn’t until two years later (3 months after I came off Letrozole and other forms of treatment and started Anastrozole) that I learned the cancer had now metastasized to my right lung that I FINALLY would be getting chemotherapy. Up until then, chemotherapy was, in my mind, the “top dog” treatment option. Before even receiving my first treatment, chemotherapy instantly became my security blanket. I was convinced chemotherapy was everything I had needed prior to this point. It was the only treatment I'd wanted from the day I was diagnosed and now, I was finally getting the “top dog” treatment for ovarian cancer. To me, chemotherapy was the missing puzzle piece in my two-year ongoing treatment plan.

I remember sitting in the infusion chair on the last day of my chemotherapy treatment feeling relieved this was all finally over. However, at the same time, I was completely terrified! I literally felt like I was back at the starting line in my ovarian cancer fight. This “top dog” drug that I had been getting every three weeks, that was killing the cancer that was trying to kill me, would soon be over. My security blanket, my missing puzzle piece, the one treatment that put my mind at so much ease, was being taken from me.

Ovarian cancer treatment is a puzzle

Looking back, I believe I always had these exact feelings anytime my previous treatments stopped or changed. No matter what treatment I was on, by the time it was done or changed, I realized it had become my security blanket. Do I believe these feelings of our treatments becoming our security blankets are expected? Absolutely! If you’ve ever been diagnosed with ovarian cancer it comes with the territory. All treatments, no matter what they may be, how long they may last, or how many times they may change come, with a feeling of security and a sense of safety.

I have also come to realize that, in my personal journey, my treatments are going to be continuously changing, stopping, starting over, etc. I find peace now in knowing that no matter what treatment I'm on or for however long I might be on that treatment, it’s doing its job for the time being. And, when it stops, we'll move on to the next treatment option. Every puzzle piece in this journey, our treatment plans especially, serves a purpose for the greater goal of beating ovarian cancer!

Beginning my next treatment chapter

Ending treatment isn’t the end of the story, but don’t get me wrong. It’s scary as hell! Every treatment, in its own way, can be our “top dog.” For me it was chemotherapy. I’m four months post-chemotherapy and, although that treatment was brutal, it served its purpose. It’s given me my health back; it has given me more time and I don’t take that for granted.

That treatment chapter is over and now I am on to my next treatment chapter! The treatment chapter will forever be ongoing in my journey, and I am grateful to be alive to continue to receive the treatments that come my way!