And Before You Know The Treatment That Became Your Security Blanket Is Now Over
And before you know the treatment that became your security blanket is now over...
If there is one known fact about ovarian cancer (yes, there are plenty of other known facts), it would be that there is not one identical treatment plan for any ovarian cancer diagnosis across the board. I came to realize this quite early on in my journey and to be honest, it was quite frustrating. Quite frustrating because you start asking yourself why your treatment plan is completely different than the girl sitting next to you with the same exact diagnosis! If I’m being honest to this day, I still have mixed feelings when it comes to the initial treatment plan, I was put on, but I will always remain grateful I’m still here to share my journey.
Chemo became my security blanket
My initial diagnosis was stage 3AII ovarian cancer. Yes, like most women diagnosed with this cancer I also was diagnosed at a later stage. As most humans whenever we hear the word cancer, we automatically tie cancer and chemotherapy together right, right? In my case, however, I was never treated with chemotherapy. My treatment plan consisted of the initial tumor removal (prior to knowing it was cancer) followed by a complete hysterectomy/oophorectomy, then finally followed by Letrozole. This would be my complete treatment therapy for a stage 3AII ovarian cancer diagnosis.
It wasn’t until two years later, three months being off Letrozole and any other form of treatment, then being put on Anastrozole for three months that I would find out the cancer had now metastasized to my right lung that I FINALLY would be getting chemotherapy. Up until then chemotherapy in my mind was the “top dog” treatment option. Before even receiving my first chemotherapy treatment it instantly became my security blanket. Mentally chemotherapy was everything I needed prior to this point, the only treatment I wanted from the day I was diagnosed that I never had gotten and now I was getting the “top dog” treatment for ovarian cancer. To me, chemotherapy was the missing puzzle piece in my two-year ongoing treatment plan.
I remember sitting in the infusion chair on the last day of my chemotherapy treatment feeling relieved this was all finally over however at the same time I was completely terrified again! I literally felt like I was back at the starting line in my ovarian cancer fight. The “top dog” drug that I had been getting every three weeks, that was killing cancer that was trying to kill me was now going to be done just like that. My security blanket, my missing puzzle piece, the one treatment that put my mind at so much ease was being taken from me.
Ovarian cancer treatment is a puzzle
Looking back, I believe I always had these exact feelings anytime my previous treatments stopped or changed. No matter what treatment I was on by the time it was done or changed I realized it had become my security blanket. Do I believe these feelings of our treatments becoming our security blankets are expected? Absolutely! If you’ve ever been diagnosed with ovarian cancer it comes with the territory; that all treatments no matter what they may be, how long they may last, or how many times they may change we find security and a sense of safety in that treatment.
I have also come to realize that in my personal journey my treatments are going to be continuously changing, stopping, starting over, etc. I find peace now in the thought that I know no matter what treatment I may be on in the moment for however long I may be on that treatment it’s doing its job for the time being and when it stops we move on to the next treatment option. Every puzzle piece in this journey, our treatment plans especially, serves a purpose for the greater goal of beating ovarian cancer!
Beginning my next treatment chapter
Ending treatment isn’t the end of the story but don’t get me wrong it’s scary as hell! Every treatment in its own way can be our “top dog”. For me it was chemotherapy. I’m four months post-chemotherapy and although that treatment was brutal, it was hell, it was hard, and it served its purpose. It’s given me my health back; it has given me more time and I don’t take that for granted.
That treatment chapter is over and now I am on to my next treatment chapter! The treatment chapter will forever be ongoing in my journey, and I am grateful to be alive to continue to receive the treatments that come my way!
Is there something that helps you cope with your ovarian cancer?