Scanxiety... Here We Go Again

At the moment, I am sitting in the atrium of the hospital waiting for my PET scan appointment. This seems to be customary nowadays, happening time and time again. But it never gets easier.

Scanxiety is real

“Scanxiety” is a true thing and I’m sharing my experience because I want people to know it’s okay to feel uncomfortable or anxious when going for a scan (PET, CT, or MRI). It is a real phenomenon and it is totally ok to speak to your physician or one of their staff prior to going. No one ever said this cancer journey was going to be easy and if you need some help (medication, meditation or breathing tools, etc.) don’t be afraid to ask!

This scan was unplanned

For me, today is an unplanned test. My CA 125 has been creeping up for the last 6 months. In the past, a few additional numbers on my test have been the signal for a recurrence. Yesterday my test results were higher than they have been in 4 years, and they noted a very small mass in the lymph nodes of my left shoulder.

I will wait for my turn to drink the potion, sit alone in the quiet room for an hour, and hopefully get some answers as to what is growing inside of me. While I have no idea what these results are going to be, and I have no idea what the next steps of my cancer journey will entail, I am sure about one thing. My family loves me, my friends care about me, I have an incredible medical team, and together my support system will help me get through whatever the results may yield.

I am anxious, but supported

Am I frightened that there is a chance I will have to start this process all over again? Yes. Am I anxiously watching the clock for 3pm to come around? Yes. But I also know I need to keep my head on straight, work on some calming breaths (easier to say than done!), and find out what is in store for the next leg of this challenge.

I know I will not travel this road alone, and whatever the results may yield I know I will hug a little harder, say I love you more often, and - if need be - I’ll be ready to get back in the saddle and fight this once again!