Why Ask For Help? No Need to Burden Anyone!

Upon my initial diagnosis of ovarian cancer, my phone didn't stop ringing. Food, cards, and gifts kept appearing. People were always asking what can I do for you, how can I help, I am so sorry for you, on and on.

At first, I told people I was fine

My initial response was always I am fine, we are all fine, I'll let you know if we need something. And I started pushing people away!

It was enough to deal with day-to-day things, being a mom, wife, and daughter, working full time, keeping the house clean, doing laundry, trying to take walks to keep my energy up, preparing meals, grocery shopping, trying to answer all my calls, and emails. The list just never seemed to stop!

But I felt there was no way I was going to ask others for help. Only weak people do that, and everyone else was just offering to be nice, but they didn't really mean it!

New connections by asking for help

As the weeks went on and the side effects of treatment, along with the residuals from my surgery, made me less energetic and a bit more sleepy, I slowly began to ask for help.

At first, it was for carpooling my daughter around and driving me to work. Then I asked for support to take me to and from chemo, as well as keep me company, accompanying me to doctors' appointments to take notes, and then I even asked folks if they would mind just coming over during the day and sitting on the couch with me while I rested.

It wasn't easy at first, and I had so much guilt asking others to support me, knowing it was taking time out of their busy schedules to help me. I would always feel horrible for asking, but it began to take some of the burdens off my husband, as he could go to work with a clear head and not worry about my daughter or me.

Is asking for help really a sign of weakness?

But even with asking folks for help, I was so worried everyone would think I was weak. I had always been so used to being in control and being the caregiver the role reversal was very hard to accept. I will be honest my feelings about asking for help didn't change overnight. It was a slow process and taught me to realize that many who were offering genuinely wanted to help.

For them, they felt helpless about how to help and offered because they knew our family could use the assistance. And I had to learn that I wasn't weak for asking. It was what was best for my family and sometimes really for me.

Then I began to realize that those who did reach out really cared and wanted to help, and I felt confident that as soon as I felt better, I would make sure that I was available for them if the time was to come and they needed support!