Are You Asking for What You Need?

Sometimes it can be difficult to ask for what you need or speak up when you feel you deserve something other than what you are receiving. This can be at work, in a marriage, and in friendships, but also while undergoing treatment. From your diagnosis to treatment and beyond, you will encounter many people and many situations. In many of those, there may be something you need that you are not getting.

Advocate for yourself in small ways

Meeting with your doctor and feeling like you are not understanding everything? Ask them to repeat it, or if they would write that down for you. Sitting in your treatment chair and just cannot get comfortable? As the nurse for another pillow, a blanket, soft socks, the list goes on. But the point is, when you know you can be more comfortable in any situation, you should have the ability to ask for what you need. Going to treatment alone but really wish someone would go with you? Ask them. If they cannot go that day, they will tell you, but chances are, they would love to be there to support you for the day.

What do you need?

I recall so many times when someone would ask me “what do you need?” and I said nothing, we are fine. But the reality is I probably could have used a lot. Thinking back I could have said a meal, or mail me a card (I love getting cards), or even ask that they help me take my mind off my cancer.

I can say that years later, I am MUCH better at saying what I need. I am asking for what I want in most situations. I still find it difficult to ask for more when it comes to working, or even in my marriage sometimes, and my friendships. Friendships have changed over the years or ended because either they couldn't tell me what they needed from me, and expected me to know. Or I never asked them for what I needed. We are not mind readers, and neither is anyone else. Remember we need to speak up when we need something from each other.

We can't fix everything

Many times I find myself trying to fix things. Fix others' problems...because I want other people to be HAPPY. I did this before I had cancer a lot. I still find myself being the first to jump in when a friend is having an issue, and I want to fix it for them.

We want to be problem solvers or our friends are. If you complain to someone and they respond with a way to try and fix it, try saying the following to them. I really appreciate that you want to help me solve this issue, but I really want you to just listen and let me explain how I am feeling. Ask if they can possibly empathize with you. Remind them that you are not looking for them to fix it. Does this sound hard? A little bit. But will it help your friend and help you level set on what they or you NEED right now.